| | Phun with Phriends
(2 monphs worph - phew!)
It's been a whirlwind these past 2 months but I've had a grand time with some of my favorite people. Here are some of our shenanigans minus a mystery weekend to Tahoe (something that deserves it's own blog entry later - hopefully posted this year). ;)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TY!
Ty proves that you can Superman curl your hair all you want, but you're still going to age. For Ty's birthday, we took him to AsiaSF where ridiculously hot transvestites shook what their surgeons gave them. It was hard to find a photo where Ty wasn't furrowing his brow questioning the dancing "girls" bumpy crotches, but finally I got one appreciating the embrace of a REAL woman.
The evening was entertaining and we were all smiles except for the awkward moment when I was asked if I was pre or post op. Twice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICHOLAS!
Nicholas also aged but the celebration involved so much illegal activity that posting any photos would likely lead us to prison. And I do NOT look good in orange.
ADVENTURE: TRAPEZE
Question: What do these 3 things have in common - Ostrich, Penguin, Alice
Answer: We are all flightless birds
Oh but trick question! Because I flew! (Three snaps up, Penguin!)
We arrived at the trapeze gym ready to take flight. Imagine the silence of shifting eyes when we all arrived on scene wearing the same belt. Who can blame us? Serena was just wearing the IT belt last week on Gossip Girl.
I teach the group a good partner stretch and everyone scrambles to pair up. No one ever wants to play with the teacher so I waddle around hypnotizing my "friends" with the African stare-o-guilt.
The most scary part was ascending the ladder in anticipation. The most embarrassing part was descending the ladder in tears.
Like the leech that he is, Nicholas suctions to the handsome man with the cropped shirt. "Just my type" Nicholas says with a smile. Sadly, Croppy drops him into the net shortly after. Nicholas was used. Croppy is a whore.
Feeling cocky, I asked the trapeze masters to remove the net as we are ready for the real show. Reluctantly, they did and Ty and I performed an amazing feat: The famous African triple-twirl-aerial-twisty-purple-nurple-swingaling-nose-dive. We don't even take calls from Cirque de Soleil.
ADVENTURE: ARCHERY
According to Wikipedia, "The American Dream" is most commonly defined as the ability to fly through the air while shooting arrows at enemies. Having mastered the ability to fly, it was time to learn how to shoot arrows. Like the bumbling idiots that we are, my friends and I clumsily lined up like confused senior citizens queuing up for their daily medication.
We shook with insecurity and shot poorly until the archery masters replaced the target images of our childhood bullies with beloved cartoon animals. Apparently, we all still have repressed demons to deal with.
Kathryn feels powerful and declares with confidence that her new weapon of choice for all future fights will be "The bow and arrow".
Having passed the practice rounds, we are led into the woods for some real archery action. At first it was cute when the archery masters sang "Hi-Ho" as we marched in line. Until we realized that he was not referencing Snow White, but rather judging us for our promiscuous patterns.
With the fear of dying from starvation in the wilderness, I stop to lick what I thought was milk chocolate syrup from a tree. But yuk! I was wrong! It was WHITE chocolate!
Unsure why we were not finding animals to hunt, we realized it was because Sebastian was behind us scaring them all away by twirling his bows like an African ninja.
Nicholas and I shoot him.
He was delicious.
SAN FRANCISCO ZOO
Ok - so we didn't really shoot Sebastian. We just gagged and bound him. When he finally forgave us, we went to the San Francisco Zoo.
I couldn't stop staring at this regal beast. And she couldn't stop staring at what I can only assume is her favorite animal.
Question: What do you get when you cross a lion and a cougar?
Answer: I dunno - maybe this??
I love impersonating animals (meow!) and the zoo gave us plenty of opportunity. Absent from the afternoon of trapezing, Sebastian attempts flight with a set of painted wings. He was only able to achieve 20 feet.
I am bear! Strangely, with 1 bear arm and 1 human arm. I'd make a patchy bear skin rug.
SAINT PATRICK'S DAY
Every morning, I struggle with what to wear for the day. But every March 17th, I confidently march up to the green section of my closet and yank out an outfit with conviction. With grand hopes of encountering a true leprechaun (yet to be fulfulled). This Saint Patrick's Day, my girls and I hit the bar scene. Understanding we are old enough to be these frat boys' mothers, we huddle close in hopes of achieving The Cheerleader Effect.
Kathryn and I dance, mimicking the often inappropriate dance moves of the younger generation. This move, you may be familiar with, is called the African booty scoot.
And it paid off! We lure a hot stud into our circle...er...triangle (making us a square by definition). Truth be told, he stood there judging us with his devil eyes. But for the sake of the blog, I will try to convince you that he is merely getting into the spirit of things by concentrating on his flurry of Riverdance.
CONCERT: LILY ALLEN
Seeing Lily Allen in concert rocked - I love her for 3 reasons: (1) She's not afraid of singing about sleeping around and small penises (2) She's British so she uses "the loo" (3) She's name has 4 Ls in it. (that's alot!!)
CONCERT: THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS
There really isn't a sexier musical group than The Pussycat dolls (sorry Ace of Base!). And they brought it! ("it" being spiral staircases)
CONCERT: BRITNEY SPEARS
And who doesn't love Miss Britney Spears? I have lived history to have been in the same breathing space as this amazing person who is not a girl, not yet a woman.
EASTER
Easter is one of my favorite holidays for one reason and one reason only. The celebration of Jesus. And by "Jesus" I mean "Peeps".
On this special day, I went to Kathy's for brunch where Nicholas made some fresh pancakes. They came out perfect - the color of a middle-aged deer. African deer.
Kathy hid eggs all around her house and told me and a 4 year old boy to find them. Feeling quite foolish, I embraced my natural competitive nature and elbowed the child in the face to get a head start. I did not win.
Brunch was served outside in the sun. Kathy advises me to wear a bib for the potentially messy meal but I refuse to hide my jugs from Jesus.
Ty pulls a Martha Stewart out of his perfectly round arse and serves us a homemade pie. It did not smell nor taste like the aforementioned arse. It was better.
Emily Post says "Always accessorize to match your environment." Ty's bow is my environment.
After the meal, we blow out eggs and decorate them. I confirmed my status as a poor lover by showing how inept I was with blowing out eggs. I don't mean to pimp out my friends, but Ty was going through them like no one's business. I'm just sayin'.
Kathy was average. I wouldn't kick her out of bed.
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| | Posted 4/28/2009 3:58 AM - 405 Views - 10 eProps - 7 comments
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